half full, half empty, half hungry

sour cream crumb cake

i'm not eating enough. not to echo my old blog too much. it's not on purpose, really, i just cannot be fucked to put effort into it. it's just not worth the energy to get up, go to the kitchen, and put even a modicum of effort into eating something i'm not particularly excited about. i'm literally too lazy to eat. a lot of it's probably got to do with the fact that i've been buying and cooking the same food for a year with minimal reprieve. haven't really put many new things in my rotation, aside from baked goods. and i have been enjoying those baked goods, although i've been off my cookie game for so long...

if i'm honest, there's probably part of it that's old ways. like... i guess if i notice it's been a while since i've eaten, there is a small voice encouraging me to keep it going. like, if i've already gone this long without dinner, and it's practically bedtime, may as well push through and just skip it, right? i have lost weight... my clothes fit better than they did a few months ago. never exercising but always baking has its impacts.

this is a terrible habit, though. it'll probably resolve itself when i live with KW and he can cook delicious food and we can order in and there's someone there at least sometimes to hold me accountable. and help me stock the fridge.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

y'know, i'm kinda sad that the old Pretty Thin forum died. and its replacements. i found a small community there, for a time. i wonder why i routinely gravitate towards anonymous forums. there were the old fan forums circa, what, '05? that lasted a while. there was PT the "pro-ana" forum. there was some app? something with an L. and then there was yik yak, and its chain of successors... sometimes i wonder why other people don't need anonymous apps as part of how they spend their time. where do they vent to? why am i the one left needing somewhere to talk to no one in particular? am i running from my thoughts, or processing them?