progress on a place

we may have found the place. hopefully the minor snags in our application materials do indeed prove minor - KW has no credit history, having never had a credit card nor taken out a loan (although mine is quite excellent), and my state learner permit appears to be expired on its face, but that's because it was valid until April 2020, and we know what was going on then. certainly no permit renewals. the state has officially extended its validity on word alone, through at least the end of this month. i just need the rental company to understand that word. financially, we hit all the targets. fingers crossed.

it's a one bedroom, as opposed to the two bedroom places we'd set out for initially. but it was just proving too hard to find a two bedroom that didn't.... well, kinda suck. or have obvious detractions, usually in size or light. and seldom any amenities. the place has a small kitchen, counter space at a premium, and unfortunately no dishwasher. but it does have a sizable balcony, all surrounded by brick to the sides and overhead, making it feel secure enough for me to sit out there and work, or enjoy watching a thunderstorm. it gets good light, is in a relatively convenient location (slightly more so than where KW currently lives, anyway), and the bedroom is big enough for our bed and nightstands and probably at least one dresser. huzzah. he will just have to live with my nail polish collection in plain sight. but god, it will be nice to have our own outdoor space. i can even sit outside to do my nails, when the weather is nice, and not stink up the place. maybe do art outside, if the paper doesn't blow away.

my sketch based on memory and no measurements

my nerves have shifted. i can't really let up the search yet, not knowing if we'll be approved. and we won't be approved until after i can drop off a deposit, and send out our file of information. i was sort of hoping one of the listings i visited today would send me a video of the space, because it was very similar but i really liked it. worse oven (smaller; no window to watch my bakes), but a forthcoming dishwasher soon. and central air, plus a nicer building staircase, on a lower (but still top) floor. balcony rear-facing, and again very conveniently located. arguably a shade more so, being one train stop closer to manhattan. unfortunately it comes with a broker fee, and without laundry in the building.

anyway, sorry for all the tedium. i am, to no one's surprise, obsessive about this. but god it would feel good to be on pace for moving April 1st without stressing about cutting it close. about being able to close this chapter of uncertainty.

for another, of course. this morning i woke after a fit of restless sleep, feeling like i was dreaming half-awake about setting up the new apartment. KW was really cute the other day, though. we had a chat about our rental options, having previously ruled out listings that have a gross rent outside our budget but are offering months free, thereby lowering the net rent across a year lease to something we could afford. i didn't want to entertain the idea, knowing that when it comes time to raise the rent the following year, they'll raise it based on the gross rent, and we will not be able to afford to live there any longer. i'm so sick of moving every year, i really just want to find a comfortable place and stay put for a while. but KW raised the point that at this point, he's not looking for a place to live long-term, just a place to live with me. in a year we'll both be in financially better standings, though, and be able to increase our budget substantially, him having doubled his earnings and me having hopefully sorted out the open question at work of how much i'll be expected to travel again once that's feasible. i hope to be able to renegotiate so that a) they substantially reimburse me, b) they cancel my travel at least mostly, or c) they raise my salary in accordance with the travel, at least partly. i'm just glad he really wants to live with me. not being able to see each other and really be able to relax with each other is just awful.

although we were talking about it when the application was proceeding quickly and he was like "oh, this is really happening fast. is this the place we'll be taking? the commute's kind of awful for me, but the window's closing on finding that miracle spot..." and i know that he was just airing what the downside is, with his family all in brooklyn and commuting there being a bitch from where he's at now, which is pretty close to where we'll be moving. but then i found myself worried i'd failed us. like i should have done better. but he liked the place! he was the one that was like, we should put in an application in case this place gets away from us. so i know that's not a rational fear. i put in so much work, it was exhausting. and i'm just ready to be done. the next time we move, we can do it together. we can search together, snuggling in bed and going on showings together. i did tell him i was worried i didn't do a good job if he'd rather be in brooklyn, and he was like "that you might think that occurred to me, and i was like 'i hope she doesn't think that.' but no, not at all, and i'm very grateful to you for taking the lead on this." so, i should let that nagging thought fade away.

anyway, there's my rant. i'm so decision-fatigued.